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According to recent statistics, in the United States, a child is abused every 18 seconds which means 105,120,000 incidents occur each year. In a nation priding itself on concern for human rights, it's a disgrace.Somewhere at this very moment a child is being abused.
From the time we are children we are taught danger lurks in the streets at the hands of strangers. Walking to school or in the school yard we are supposed to be wary of the stereotypical stranger in the old raincoat offering candy or a ride. As we grow older, we are warned not to run with the wrong crowd (presumably people our parents don't know). Dark alleys, strange cities, and the night are filled with danger, waiting to leap upon an innocent, unsuspecting victim. Surprise, the most dangerous place for a child is in his own home, at the hands of people well known to the victim. Every 18 seconds, a child, is abused!
In today's enlightened society, reports of child abuse continue to climb at an alarming rate. It is estimated in the year 2000, between 2 and 3 MILLION children will be abused in their own homes, by people entrusted with their nurturing, care and upbringing. The violence against our children has to stop, we have to break the cycle of abuse!
Every state has laws designed to protect children from abuse. Every state has laws dictating mandatory reporters, people who come in contact with children on a daily basis. Every state has a prescribed method of handling child abuse. Every state miserably fails to protect its children. Somewhere a child is crying. What have you done to break the cycle of abuse?The First Step In Stopping Abuse Is Reporting It
I'm assuming you've already read my other pages, you know I was a victim, not only at the hands of a parent, but others as well. In my old neighborhood it was common to witness children being abused on a daily basis. It was common to see children with bruises, cuts, welts, scars, or other indicators of abuse. The prevailing attitude was -- "Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil, just do it". Before anything can be done to help an abused child, society needs to know its happening. Child Abuse Must Be Reported!
My Advice For Kids
If you're being abused it can be stopped! There are lots of people you can tell - an adult friend, a teacher, a counselor, a coach, a minister, a policeman, a doctor, a fireman, or a crisis line. I want you to know there arepeople you can trust, people who will help. Before anything can be done, you have to tell someone you trust, what is happening.
Abuse takes lots of different forms, but there is one thread which runs through every case - you hurt, physically or emotionally, from the actions of someone entrusted with your care, nurturing or upbringing. To insure your silence an abuser will lie, cheat, threaten, even tell you its your fault they have to abuse you. The fact remains it is NOT your fault!
The most common means an abuser uses to keep you from telling is to make threats, or put you down. They say things like:These are all things meant to keep you quiet about what is happening to you, your brother(s), or sister(s). They are meant to scare you into keeping silent, make it all seem like its your fault. It is not your fault! No one would believe a little liar like you.
I'm only doing this so you'll grow up a proper man/woman.
You ever tell about this, I'll give it to your little brother/sister worse.
I brought you into this world, I'll take you out of it.
What goes on in this house is nobody's business but ours.
This can be our little secret, nobody needs to know.
I'll kill your dog/cat.
I'll hurt another member of the family.
I'll have the police haul you to jail.
I wish you were never born, you're useless.
When you do what you're told you won't be in trouble.
If you'd learn to be good, I wouldn't have to beat you.If you are being abused you have to tell someone what is happening.
Telling is the hardest thing you will ever face since most adults don't want to believe a child is being abused. You have to tell someone you trust, someone in authority, exactly what is going on behind those doors. If you can't tell someone like a teacher, a coach, a doctor, or other trusted adult, you can always use the hotline listed here.
Childhelp's National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4 A CHILD (800-422-4453)
TDD: 1-800-2 A CHILD.I wish I could tell you everything would be ideal, that you'll live happily ever after once you report being abused. I won't say that because I can't guarantee it will be that way. I can promise you there will be lots of people asking lots of questions; you'll wonder if some of them have any clue what you're talking about. Be prepared for the denials to come from home, the attempts to blame you for everything. Be prepared to be taken away from your home, friends, school, church and any other activity you're engaged in. It might feel like you are the one being punished, because you told.
Every county in the United States has a Child Protective Service (CPS). Their job is to investigate (look into) the report and make a determination whether it is founded (true) or unfounded (false). An unfounded case is usually, just closed, a note is made of the report and nothing else happens. A founded case starts things happening. Depending on the severity of the abuse, and CPS determination of how to handle the case, one or more additional agencies might be involved.
Some of the agencies which might be involved are:
Police - to investigate criminal activity
Mental Health - to help children or adults understand what's happening, and how to keep it from happening.
Drug/Alcohol - to help people having problems with drugs or alcohol
Home Services- help people learn how to shop for groceries or clean
Parenting Services - classes to teach parents better ways to raise kids
Crisis Services - help find a place to live, a food pantry, or clothing
Clergy - church help in matters involving religion
This isn't an all inclusive list, just some of the people who can be called on to help when a child has been abused. There are lots of agencies providing lots of different services available to your case worker.
More than likely, once you tell someone what is happening, you'll be placed in foster care - either a state funded private foster home or possibly a relative (grandparent, aunt, uncle, adult brother, adult sister) or a group home.
Foster Care takes you out of the abusive situation and puts you in a safe place. Foster placement can last anywhere from a few days, to a few weeks, or longer depending on when the juvenile court (family court) decides its safe for you to go home again. The juvenile court has to make a decision on what would be "in your best interest".
While you are in foster care, the juvenile court must decide if your case will be one of:
Temporary Custody - return home after a short time (a few months)
or
Permanent Custody - don't return home (long term foster care or adoption)
There are lots of legal things going on while the court makes its decision. You may be taken to see the Judge (court) so he/she can talk to you directly (either with, or without other adults in the room). The Judge is trying to figure out what would be in your "best interest" and in some cases what you want. This is your opportunity to tell the judge directly, without anybody filtering what is on your mind.
I wish I could tell you foster care was always a better place to live, but sometimes it isn't. When you are in foster care, you are supposed to be like any other member of the family. You'll have chores to do, school, activities, anything the foster family decides you should participate in with them. You are supposed to be treated like any other person in the household. There will be different rules than you are used to following at home. They might decide you need to go to bed earlier, or do your homework at a certain time, or how many friends you can invite over. You'll probably share a room with another foster kid your age or close to it. Meals will be at different times and maybe not the kind of food you like to eat. (you should tell your foster family what you like) Most important you must tell your social worker if someone in the foster home is abusing you or making you do things you know aren't right.
My Advice For Adults
If you are a normal, rational, adult; the hardest thing for you to hear is that a child is being abused. As I've pointed out a couple times here, the abused child must tell someone what is happening. Telling someone, is the hardest decision the child has ever had to make. If a child comes to you reporting abuse in his/her home, or elsewhere, believe what they are saying! Listen to what the child is telling you.
There are three definitions used to describe abuse:
physical abuse -- an unexplainable, non-accidental injury to the child,
emotional abuse -- continual scapegoating or rejection of a child by parents which results in disturbed behavior,
sexual abuse -- any sexually oriented act, practice, contact, or interaction in which the child has been used for sexual stimulation.Neglect is typically defined in two ways.
Emotional neglect. This is when the child is suffering severe negative emotional effects to a parent's failure to provide opportunities for normal experience that produce feelings of being loved, wanted, secure, and worthy.
Physical neglect is when a parent fails to provide basic needs or a safe and sanitary living environment for the child. Examples
include, but are not limited to:
not providing adequate food or clothing,
not following medical recommendations,
lack of supervision that places a child at risk, or
no heat in the winter.
Discovering that a child is a victim of abuse is an unpleasant experience. Keeping alert to the signs of child abuse requires caring vigilance. The best way to respond to a child you suspect may have been abused is to listen carefully and be attentive to the child's behavior.
Children are often cautious when disclosing abuse. They may speak using childish language or use terms that are unfamiliar to you. Some children may not say anything about the abuse but may assume that the abuse has marked them in some way that should be obvious to adults. It is for this reason that you should be aware of the physical and behavioral indicators of child abuse.
If a child discloses to you, it is important not to carry out an investigation yourself as this may jeopardize the case in a court of law.
So what should you do?
Believe in the child
Accept what the child tells you despite how difficult it may be to accept the identity of the abuser or that the abuse occurred. Victims often believe they are responsible for the abuse they receive and may be hesitant to discuss the abuse. This is especially true of sexual abuse where a child feels he/she is breaking a "trust", "telling a secret" or has been threatened. Understand that disclosing abuse can be difficult for a child, and that your relationship has allowed the child to open up to you.
Listen openly and calmly
It is important to put your own feelings of anger, frustration or pain aside. Give the child your full attention and nod understandingly as the story pours out. If possible, take the child aside to a quiet place. Allow the child to tell what happened in his/her words. Do not press for details and do not "interview" the child.
Reassure the child
Discussing abuse can be very difficult for a child. Be supportive of the child; let him/her know you will do something to help. Let the child know that what has happened is not his/her fault and they are doing the correct thing by telling you. Do not promise the abuser will go to jail or the child will have a new home. You may not be able to keep these promises. Tell the child you will do your best to help him/her.
Write down the facts
Record, as soon as possible, what the child has told you. Attempt to use the child's own words and avoid interpreting what the child has said. Write down everything about the disclosure, no matter how insignificant it may seem at the time. Correctly recording the information is an important step in the investigation process.
Report the disclosure
Every State has a Child Abuse Reporting Law. Any report of Child Abuse must be investigated as soon as possible, a child is in DANGER. A report of abuse made in "good faith" will not subject the reporter to liability. "Good Faith" is defined as a reasonable belief the conditions are as described warranting further investigation. It is imperative authorities be notified immediately, given as much information as possible, and for you to be available for further contact as necessary.
Remember a CHILD trusts you enough to disclose something very close to his/her heart. He/she has struggled with this decision and has not taken this step lightly. The CHILD is depending on you - please, don't let him/her down.Every 18 Seconds A Child Is Abused!
105 MILLION INCIDENTS
Somewhere A Child Is Crying !
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